For The Women Who Stole VBAC

What you have done is terrible, not heroic. No one will ever thank you.

For The Women Who Stole VBAC

To the women who stole VBAC

You know who you are. You’re sitting in your ivory tower laughing and high-fiving one another. You’re saying JOB WELL DONE! You think you saved a bunch of women from themselves and each other, but your greatest achievement to date is actually showcasing your cult like hysteria on the world stage.

You must seriously be unhinged to think that taking over a large, happy group and dismantling it in this way is an acceptable thing to do. Unhinged, and deluded. Who died and made you the crusaders for the world?

Those 12k women didn’t want you to save them. They wanted to be amongst friends to talk about their pregnancies and births, the good, the bad, and the varicose veins. They had that right, and you did NOT have the right to interrupt them in this narcissistic, grandstanding way.

Imagine that you welcomed a new baby tomorrow, and you posted on facebook about it. You’d get a huge number of congratulations, women saying how divine your new baby was, women asking you how you were doing. Now imagine that someone else took it upon themselves to delete that, or to deny your access to it.  

All those memories would be gone, inaccessible forever, and that person who did it was giggling and rubbing their hands together with glee. Then imagine they tell everyone that they did it for your own good and that one day you’d thank them. Gas lighting much?

You may think that this is a giant win for your posse, but actually it is a really convincing nail in your coffin. People everywhere, even many who supported your cause, are utterly disgusted and disillusioned by this. They don’t think you’re brave, they don’t think you saved anyone, they don’t think you had any INTENTION of saving anyone. They know exactly what you are though. You’re all thoughtless, gutless cowards. That’s what cyber-bullying is. It’s gutless and cowardly. You can hide behind your keyboard avidly typing away, never having to face up to the victims, but remember your own important memories on the internet and how easily they could vanish?

You deleted their birth stories, you deleted their memories, and you didn’t save anyone, least of all yourselves. The good women of VBAC will re-group, stronger and louder than before. Those who were on the fence about you will not be on the fence anymore. They’ll be making cups of tea for the victims, before your victory dance is finished.

You have won no victory here, you have won nothing, because guess what? There is no war! There is just women who want talk to other women, and women who want to control other women. Women who respect the autonomy of other women, and women who think that they know better than everyone else. It’s sad to think how many of you fall into the latter group, but after this, there will surely be fewer of you.

There’s a saying about people who live in glass houses. I’m sure you’re familiar with it. The reason you think you’re so safe is because you’re surrounding yourselves with people who pat your backs. You never step outside and smell the coffee because group mentality means you never challenge yourselves, you only challenge other people. The only people who think you’re a beacon of light in all this are your buddies.

Take five minutes to think about this and imagine how you will feel when your own group is taken down because this sort of behaviour will see it become reality. Will other women infiltrate your group and do it? No, I doubt that. Most women have better things to do than stalk and harass you – good huh? – but facebook will start to add up all the complaints of harassment sooner or later, and your group will go up in a puff of smoke. How many women do you think are reporting you at the moment? How many screenshots of your strangeness are being sent to facebook at the moment? I’m prepared to bet it’s more than a couple.

Will we dance on its grave? No! Because a lot of women love the group and seek support there, and they are entitled to do that! Different women seek support in different places, and everyone seems to have a good understanding of that, except you in the Ivory Tower of VBAC ….. or RCS. 

It’s ok to disagree with stuff, it’s ok to share information that you believe will help women. It’s important to do that. What’s NOT ok is to stalk, harass, blog about, vilify, and bully loss mothers, or anyone else for that matter. No matter what pretty colours you paint it, it’s just bullying, and one of these days a woman will take her own life as a result. You stole VBAC this time, what will it be next time? Sit with that for a while. Is this pack mentality, this headless chicken act, REALLY worth it all? Is having friends who pat your back when you do things that you KNOW in your heart of hearts is wrong, really worth that?

Oh how many names I could list here, how many screenshots I could provide to shame you …. And yet in doing so I would join the ranks of the bullies. Instead of lowering myself to that gutter scum level, I’m going to reach out to the women whose network you stole VBAC from.

To the women who love VBAC. You are not alone. You will regroup. You will find your feet, and your voices, and you will be bigger and better and stronger than ever before. Your network may be scattered, but it isn’t gone, I know this because you are working, driven by kindness, not a deranged craving for control and power, flying under the false banner of bravery and care. You are the ones who will rise from these flames.

Years ago my house burnt down. I lost many beloved possessions, my whole family did. But the house was rebuilt, newer, and prettier (dark green carpet and sky blue walls actually benefited from the fire ….). Now it’s nearly thirty years since then, and despite the possessions, the only real thing that left the house in that fire was the ghost that had been haunting it for decades. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

You stole VBAC, but you wait, it will be back, and you will fade angrily, hopelessly, into insignificance. 


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17 Responses to "For The Women Who Stole VBAC"

  1. Talia  22 April, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    Thank you! I only hope that this circulates back to them. What a hopeless bunch, with far too much time on their hands.

    • MHeket
      MHeket  22 April, 2016 at 8:02 pm

      They’ve got their fingers in all the pies, there’s no doubt it will reach them.

  2. Karen  22 April, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    Babies died that’s who, shame on you all for allowing that to happen! Innocent lives where needlessly lost but there is no mention of those poor families here is there? Nor I imagine will you ever admit to all the damage you and your ‘support’ group have caused. For the mothers that lost their birth announcements it is unfortunate but what about the mothers who lost their babies after following your advice and then turned back to you for support when they really needed it only to find that admin are accusing them of being trolls, not real people, never really pregnant or worst of all blaming them for the loss? Who really bullies loss mums.

    • MHeket
      MHeket  22 April, 2016 at 10:40 pm

      Innocent lives WERE needlessly lost, I can’t abide my simple grammatical errors when I’m being shouted at.

      It’s worth pointing out that it actually wasn’t my support group, so now you’re getting even more things mixed up.

      This is a truly strange comment, but thank you for stopping by and taking the time to share your perspective.

    • Tania  23 April, 2016 at 6:53 am

      How is this take over helping mothers who lost babies? Does this bring their babies back? If I lost a baby, these highschool pranks wouldnt console me not eveb for 1 second. I don’t understand the point of this other than to hurt others and create drama for your own amusement. Getting off on causing another person pain or grief is twisted. ..THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR. Do you really think these are the actions of people who are mentally sane? I sure don’t! And I don’t belong to any vbac groups on fb. So I don’t know all the details. I have a friend who has told me some of what’s going. But as an outsider looking in, I can tell you, you women look like complete nut jobs! I think you are mentally unfit to be raising children. The time and energy you spend cyber bullying would be better spent taking care of your kids. What woman in her right mind, goes through the trouble of creating a fake account, building friendships just to spy on them and report back to another group? Seriously, who does that? All this nonsense just to stop a bunch of women from talking about vbacs??? Really? You realize, you can’t stop people from creating another group? So your harrassing people just to force them to join a new group? I don’t understand the logic in that? But I’m mentally well, so thats why I dont understand. Only a psycho would understand the purpose. And if you don’t feel any guilt about this, then you’re also a sociopath. If you really believed in your cause, you would stand in the evidence you have alone and not resort to cyber harassment. This just proves your group is not really evidence based. If I ever join a vbac group, I would make sure not to join the evidence based group. So thanks for letting others know what horrible people you truly are. If I was in your group I would leave out if sheer disgust.

  3. MHeket
    MHeket  22 April, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    One of the women who lost the group, is the woman who lost her baby. She used the group for support, she lost her baby, and now she cannot access that support.

    This reads a bit to much like a sorry not sorry to me. However, I thank you for stopping by and sharing your perspective.

    • MHeket
      MHeket  22 April, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      Actually, there are varying reports about the deletion of comments, and I’m afraid that since the group is gone, the truth will never be known. I know I’m more inclined to believe the people who ran the group than those who dismantled it.

  4. Kuki  22 April, 2016 at 10:54 pm

    Yes I supported her and will continue to do so to all of those who choose homebirth. Let’s remember that the advice I give them or support I give them is just that. Whether you like it or not, you have to admit that she made the choice to homebirth. It wasn’t me saying do this and she jumped on it!
    Can’t admit that can you?
    You know it’s true.
    You can try to discourage me, you can try to bring me down all you want. I will be better than you trolls and I will continue to build up what was lost. It will be better, you will not get me down!!!

  5. Brittany  22 April, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    I reported them for harassment. I hope everyone else does too.

    • MHeket
      MHeket  22 April, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      It’s looking like that.

  6. Viviana Marinacci  22 April, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    wow are you all a bunch of self righteous crazy lunatics. Thanks for posting this and well said.

    I am sorry for the loss of those babies but shit happens in birth remember that. First off it was a support group not to be mistaken for a place of medical care, people chose the choices they made by themselves. No one killed these babies they died what a Fuc**ng horrible thing to happen it is sad and unimaginable. No one is to blame. That admin you are blaming didn’t reach through the computer and tie the women down to accept the choices they did. She didn’t force the idea of waiting, or home-birth without a care giver or any of the choices for that matter. The babies were born, the babies died how Fing’ horrible and how Horrible for you to use that as justification to your sick and twisted cause. You took down a family, you took down a place of great memory, you took down a place of safe haven for these women and had no right to do so. I hope your supporters see how twisted you all are.

    You had no right to jump to the rescue of women who didn’t need rescuing. And thank you for making me push to finish my video which will NAME THIS AMAING GROUP and the NEW group in it… THANK you for showing me that despite my own depression I must complete this task I set out to complete and ensure that thousands of new women FLOCK to this new group.

    You are seriously a sick group of individuals that need to get off your high horse… .may the next group be even more powerful than the first… may you gain perspective into the truth that you seek and find peace that everyone is entitled to a choice. Isn’t that after all what you yourself claim to be fighting for?

  7. Yvonne  22 April, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    Well in my first C-section and the nine women I shared that filthy hell hole of a hospital bed in. Two women are dead and two babies are dead due to RCS hemmorrage, suicide due to PTSD, SIDS at 6 months and 12 months old due to under developed lungs. So yes babies die in c-sections, VBAC and natural births. But women also kill themselves due to birth trauma. Perhaps happy healthy mother’s make for healthier children?

  8. Lesa  22 April, 2016 at 11:45 pm

    Can’t you crazies leave us alone?!!! We will continue to encourage and support women on their vbac journey! I was able to have 8 babies after my vbac!! Damn straight I got my body back, and yes I knew the risks, BUT, I also knew the risks of having a repeat C-section, which you will not even address. We know the risks of which we take, if we lose our baby, that is on us. We will have to live and carry that burden. It’s not for you, and your cohorts to say we are irresponsible for doing so! We are taking the ultimate responsible route! I was willing to take FULL responsibility for whatever the outcome, as were these Mama’s on the vbac group! You will not destroy the strong women that built up the group you tore down. You spew lies, as if you’re “evidence” based, but it’s totally biased. You’re not helping anyone by this. We will continue to share our stories to encourage women on the journey THEY choose. Why don’t you ask the women that lost their babies if they blamed the women on the vbac group for their loss!!! Stop the guilt tripping! If I had lost one of mine, I would not have blamed the midwives, or doctors! I chose to have my babies vaginally, it would have been on ME! This was 24 years ago, and women are wanting their trial of labor today, and that’s increasing exponentially!!! Don’t you see that we ARE making a difference? Our hope is to see C-sections rates fall! What we are doing is revolutionary, and with a revolution comes risks. These are risks we are willing to take to see change, make us strong, and empower other women! What is YOUR cause. You desperately need to find one, and make a difference. I know we are!!!

  9. Sapp  23 April, 2016 at 4:27 am

    Thank you so much for staying by our side. I am a new mommy and need the support and encouragement for my vbac and it is scary and no one else knows what it is like at all. I had a c section and it was traumatizing and I had no idea vbac was an option until I met a mommy who had 2 c sections and 2vbacs and that is so amazing to me. It breaks my heart that these women could infiltrate this amazing group because they have their opinions. It is sad and they were taking harrassment to the very extremes, I saw for myself. It’s sad how some women could be so extremely hateful to the women who are strong enough to share their story in such a vulnerable state, and they shared it where they were safe at first. These women are atrocious and they will pay eventually by the grace of the Lord, he will do justice to those who have been tormented by this group of ladies who thought it was okay to bully and harrass just because they had a c section and are preparing for vbac or hbac or anything else. It is so wrong what these women did and I am so proud to be a part of the remnants. We will build again and we will be stronger than ever. The love in this vbac group is astounding and the support is much needed for every single mommy out there who has had to experience these things. Don’t get it twisted, they do not give medical advise and insist that the doctor always be involved no matter what because any birth could be risky. ANY birth could be risky. Thank you Lord for these ladies I have found a new strength in my experience and I only hope to learn and become stronger from here forth thanks to these ladies and their effort to protect us mommys who need the support and love.

  10. Shannon Duane  23 April, 2016 at 9:26 am

    So…kuki…everyone knows she and the other women who lost babies chose to VBAC (or UBAC).

    But they made that choice based on bad information given to them by people like you. Did you or anyone know know try to give ACCURATE information about VBAC risks? I doubt it.

    You and your online friends encourage women to VBACand then turn on them when the baby dies and accuse them of horrific things like fabricating a pregnancy. Well…babies DO die… Meg knows this first hand. So why a accuse anyone of making it up?

    But you guys do. People did, in that forum. They first encouraged VBACS by giving out bad information (can’t make a real choice without understanding the real risks…and since you probably don’t even know the real risks, how are they supposed to when you’re cheering them on telling them doctors are evil and homebirth is safer – a total lie), then turned on that woman after her baby died and accused her of making it all up.

    That’s horrific behavior.

    But yeah. Totally. It’s the admin who got tired of hearing about preventable deaths and some new members who simply wanted to give out ACCURATE medical information, not medical advice (giving out statistics isn’t a no no…that’s just pure information that was restricted) who are the bad people here.


    • Jeni  30 April, 2016 at 6:27 am

      The real risks of vbac? The biggest risk is a LESS than 1% chance of UR otherwise vbac holds the same “risks” as any mom having a vaginal birth. Sources that are cited are not just .com sources written by lay people but from ACOG and the like. Telling a mom we supported her in HER choice for HER body isn’t dangerous advice. It’s being a decent human being. In your crazy ” evidence” group you harass, name call and threaten people if THEY dare give you evidence to disprove your crazy made up/outdated stats. Your crazy leader has taken homebirth stories of LIVE babies and said they died!! Wtf?! Who does that? No loss stories have ever been censored. The reason it was hard to find out the truth of this loss mom was because ” she was being protected” and no info was shared and given the track record of your loony leader, we were skeptical but I personally expressed my condolences to this mom. It’s pretty disgusting how you use this loss mom and say she was brainwashed and didn’t understand the ” real” risks. That is highly insulting to her. You have no idea what research she did. Her decision was hers alone and to blame strangers on the net is immature. What do you all even do in your group besides try and control when and where women birth? I have heard too many stories of women being terrified because they were threaten to have their kids removed if they even though about homebirth. That’s not support that’s just crazy and controlling. So, do us all a favor and tell your group to crawl back into your loony hole and leave women alone who want to exercise their right to body autonomy and informed consent.

  11. Melissa DiBiase  24 April, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Where there is light there can be no darkness!
    I was truly saddened by the destruction of such an amazing, beautiful, thoughtfully, supportive group. It’s not often you find so many people that just want what you want. A safe happy healthy birth for both mother and baby. The right to decide how, where, and when you deliver your baby Earthside should not be something we have to fight for. Sharing our stories of success against the status quo is our right. Encouraging other women on their birth journey is our right. How very disturbing that we face oppression from women that could share our joy yet choose to be bitter, cruel, and heartless. Instead of focusing on helping to truly educate women on their birth choices you choose to build walls between the truth and your askew version of truth. You spread hate and pain everywhere you go and relish the idea of destroying beautiful things. That is so very sad! We are rebuilding, we will be bigger and louder. There will be more of us. There will be birth freedoms spoken of all over the world. Women from every walk of life will learn of her right to have a happy, healthy, birth, vbac, hbac, freebirth, and yes even Cesarean birth. She will be informed of all things birth. She will be strong, she will know that she has the support and encouragement of thousands of women. She will birth without fear. Because of us!
    So to the heartless women behind this attack, I say thank-you. Thank-you for reminding us why we fight so hard, why we spend hours lending strength to our birth sisters. Thank-you for being so weak and afraid. Now we know just how many WE are and how strong we have become!


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