Clarissa Pinkola Estes states in her book, “Women Who Run With The Wolves” that “there is no one a wildish woman loves better than a mate who can be her equal”, and that if women want their men to truly know them, then they must teach their men some of the deep knowing. Clarissa also proposes women who say they are tired of trying to teach men the deep knowing, are women who are trying to teach men who do not care to learn.
As I read those words, I saw in my mind’s eye, the proverbial brick wall I was prone to bashing my head against in another lifetime, another relationship. It made sense. Wisdom I was not ready for back then (I could barely bring myself to read the story of Manawee, the Wild Man as told by Clarissa). Perhaps if I had faced up to the challenge back then, I would have better understood why I hurt so. Clarissa explains this by saying “Those who are not delighted by learning, those who cannot be enticed into new ideas or experiences, cannot develop past the roadpost they rest at now. If there is but one force which feeds the root of pain, it is the refusal to learn beyond this moment.”
So what is the wildish man like? He is one who seeks out the dual nature of the wildish feminine, that he may know a wildish woman’s whole. Such a man also possesses a dual nature, a human nature and an animal nature. His human self alone is not sufficient to stay pace with a wildish woman, he must use his instinctual, animal nature too. It is the animal self which has the tenacity and instinct to “burrow under walls and to find, to chase, and to retrieve valuable ideas“. The wild man who wishes to learn, and is not easily deterred by what he discovers, returning repeatedly to understand, is a mate, or more accurately put, the mate, for a wyld womyn.
According to Clarissa, the task of the wildish man is to discover the woman’s true dual feminine nature, and to use that deep knowing to walk alongside her, rather than misuse such knowledge to seize power over her. He is to let this knowing “wash over him, amaze him, shock him, even spook him“. And he is to stay with it, as in the end both will be rewarded with a strong union of duality as a whole.
I have but touched upon this issue, so in closing I will leave you with two important tools to add to the wildish repertoire. The first one is “What do you want?”. Asking this question of another, or oneself can aid in ascertaining what is wanted. However it does not address the dual nature and so must be used with the second tool, which is “What does your deeper self desire?”. Together these two questions communicate “I hear you, I see you, I know you.” And so thus the mating is complete, between the dual natures of the wild woman, of the wild man, and of each other.