Why You Should Tell Your Sons About Porn

The average age at which boys first view pornography is 11. How do you feel about that?

Why You Should Tell Your Sons About Porn

Porn. Has your son seen it? Would he tell you if he did? How confident are you? 

Fifty years ago it was a rare occurrence that a parent told their child everything they needed to know about sex and sexual relationships. In that department nothing has changed. What has changed however, is that kids aren’t working it out “on the job” these days, they’re watching porn on the internet instead.

Sex education is lacking in most families, and porn is picking up the slack. It’s somewhat understandable, because what parent wants to talk about sex with their child? None with healthy boundaries, that’s for sure. Unfortunately it’s essential, and with the increasing prevalence of porn, the conversation has to be about more than the mechanics of making babies.

A growing number of girls are coming out and speaking about the way they are being treated by their male peers, and frankly, it’s scary! They aren’t enjoying their teenage romances …. because they’re not romances! They’re pornified sex / rape fests in which girls are expected to be performers, and boys are the only recipients of pleasure. Pleasure all to often derived from power, pain, and humiliation.

This is what porn is today. If you’re a parent, and you haven’t watched porn for a couple of decades (perhaps you never watched it!) then today’s porn would shock you. It would make you squirm, and this is no exaggeration. Whilst once, standard XXX porn had some semblance of a plot and some terrifically bad acting, today porn is scenes. Just videos of men, often multiple men, doing things to women.

According to Stop Porn Culture:

  • 88.2% of modern pornography contains aggressive acts
  • In 70% of those instances a male is the aggressor
  • In 94% the victim of the aggression is a woman
  • Pornography is routinely sexist and racist as well. WoC are horrifically degraded by pornographers
  • Only 9.9% of porn contained any type of intimacy such as kissing, talking gently, or stroking

And this is just mainstream, easy to google porn. Most kids have access to a computer, and even though your family computer may be in an open area of your home, your kids probably visit other families. Are the parents always home? Are their rules about internet usage the same? Remember you don’t even need a computer to use the internet these days, are you reading this on your desktop?

The average age that boys are first exposed to pornography, is 11 years old. No, that’s not a typo, it’s the frightening reality.

It gets even murkier though. Whereas once upon a time, women posing seductively in bikinis, perhaps topless, was considered “softcore porn”, today that is considered normal pop culture. According to an article by Gail Dines, the author of Pornland

“Today there is almost no soft-core porn on the internet, because most of it has migrated into pop culture. What we are left with is a porn industry that is now so hard-core that even some of the big-name porn producers and directors are amazed at how far they can go.”

So if your sons are watching music videos, they’re seeing what was considered pornographic twenty years ago. You really should talk to your sons about that don’t you think? If your sons aren’t watching music videos ….. they’re watching music videos. Talk to them about it.

If you don’t want your sons participating in violent, degrading sexual activities with girls, you probably should talk to them about relationships, porn, and the impact the latter might have on their expectations for relationships. They should also know that when they “hook up” with a girl, she doesn’t want to be a performer, she wants to be cared for. She doesn’t want to be used like a sex toy.

Tell your sons that the women in porn may be slaves, as in, women who have been bought and sold around in the pornography world. Tell them that women very very rarely like anal sex, tell them that girls have the right to enjoy sex, and that love and sex shouldn’t be viewed as separate entities without a very serious conversation beforehand.

Tell them that even though a girl might agree to sex without a romantic association afterwards, she might really want a respectful ongoing relationship, and just feel embarrassed to discuss it. 

Tell them that the reason women in porn appear to enjoy themselves when they’re doing degrading things – like when men ejaculate on their faces – is because they are either slaves, or they are being paid to do it. Do they think the woman who smiles as she serves them in McDonalds is enjoying herself, or is she just doing her job.

Ask them if they’d like a faceful of semen …. and if they wouldn’t, tell them women don’t like it either. Why would they!? Women are not the mystical, impossible to understand, outrageously irrational creatures our society portrays them as. Women, and girls, are humans, just like boys.

Some of these things are things you won’t enjoy discussing, but if you don’t talk to them about it, they may enter into sexual relationships with no ability to create any sort of intimacy. With no skills to help them navigate their way through adult relationships.They may view sex as something they do to women, not something that two people enjoy doing with each other, as equals.

Parents are often fearful that discussing sex with their children spoils their innocence, however it could be argued that it actually protects it. There is literally no way to prevent your child from seeing porn, be it violent internet porn, or a Nikki Minaj music video. If you don’t want them learning about sex from sources that don’t have the same investment in their wellbeing as you, you really should make time for some potentially awkward conversations. An entire generation of girls are depending it, and so are your grandchildren. Who knows, your sons might even thank you for your red faced discussions one day.

FOR FURTHER READING

Baby and computer with hand reaching out - porn
Porn – Sex Ed for far too many young people
License: Creative Commons CC0.

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